caffeine

I am feeling pretty good so far. I have yet to get the caffeine-detox headache. I was asked why I am giving up caffeine. I said it was because I am trying to be the healthiest I can and I am trying to get rid of all my food vices. And if I am so addicted to coffee that I get headaches when I don't have it, I am addicted, it is a vice and I need to be rid of it too. It only makes sense to me. There are lots of days I would love to start the day with a nice herbal tea, but I don't because of the headaches.

Detox

I am detoxing myself. I am going to get healthy. I need to be at my best for my girls and if it takes a few days of discomfort, I will do this. I am giving up coffee and I am going vegan. I have been collecting recipes to make this easier for myself. And after I get the house organized from this move, I will start using the treadmill that my neighbour has given me free use of.

Reality Bites (and it sags too)

I have been off the wagon for this move. I just couldn't manage the budget and the time and for days I lived on Halloween goodies and coffee. So, while I haven't gained weight, I haven't lost either. I have been feeling bad about that but there it is.

Then I settled into the house and decided to luxuriate in the lovely big bath in the main bathroom with the lovely large mirror. Now, over the years, mirrors have evaporated in my house in direct proportion to my weight going up. I didn't want to see the damage I was doing.

As I have lost weight, I felt better about myself. I went from only extra large maternity clothes fitting, to size 24 stretchy clothes fitting, to size 15 jeans fitting. I was feeling pretty good about my bad old self. Then I got my bath. I got undressed, looked into the mirror and was shocked. On top of the not to bad legs, was the most hideous, gelatinous, cellulite riddled, saggy mess I have ever seen. I was horrified. I am still horrified. It was awful to see. I was happy in my misguided, delusion that I was looking pretty good in my new skinny jeans. I was feeling good about how I looked when I saw a man flirt with me at the coffee shop. But with this quick glance (after all who wants to stare at that reality for longer than that??) I fell thud on my large saggy but in the world absolute truth.

I can only hope that I can get to the weight I am aiming for and that when I get there, I look better than I do now.